Friday, March 21, 2014

this maybe something that does not make sense.

I just had this random thought a few days back,and thought that i better put it down somewhere before i cast it off my mind.

I read this quote/phrase/sentence back when i was in high school and I go by this thing ever since I get to know about it cause I totally agree with what I had read. It has something to do of liking someone of the opposite sex.Like when someone ask me if I love that person to whom I am attracted to/have a crush on,my usual reply would be like-- if i was crushin on that someone : Uhhh, like for now,I just know that I am attracted to that person,but I wouldn't say that I LOVE him, because I dont know him well enough to do that. I think I like him,but not to the extent of loving him.

The word 'I Love You' has been used so easily these days for people who are in relationships.I mean how do i put this,sometimes,I feel people overuse it and don't really understand the real true meaning of it..But to put myself in their shoes,maybe at that moment,they really think that that was love to them.

It just occurred to me the other day,when I thought about all of the things I wrote above that I have yet to find a person whom I know well enough and like them enough to the point that I am willing to tell the person that I love him. Don't get me wrong now of thinking I am in a rush of wanting to find that person... I do feel so when I get emo at times (usually its in the middle of the night or when I friends announcing they are in a relationship in fb,etc)

It's been sometime since I have a crush on a person -like  I was shocked myself when I start to think about it.Hahahahaha.. Plus,based on past experience,hmmm,I dont really want to simply declare that I am crushin on a certain person for at times,you perceive that person to be someone whom you thought they might be but it turns out that the person is someone who is totally different from what you thought they might be.So yeah...

I shall stop here before I go on and type something which when I read back in the future would seem totally embarrassing and what not...

p/s: its kinda late at night now,and I might not be in total right mind when i am writing this post so please excuse me if this post does not make a lot of sense somehow...
-peace out-

Monday, March 17, 2014

Trying

Trying to achieve some things on a bigger/greater scale,hence certain sacrifices need to be made.
I feel everything comes with a price-and that it is not necessarily in monetary form.
It scares me,it worries me.
But I guess I should not dwell to much it in and just try to face them face on when the moment comes,
Because when it does,that's when you know whether it was all worth it or not.

-with lots of love,peace out.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Who's your person?

Hello there,we're now in the March. This month for me personally is there seems to be a LOT of event I wanna attend but at this current moment,I don't think I will be attending those which I wanted to attend which pisses me off a little and makes me sad at the same time.

But oh well,we'll see how it goes. Can't have everything I want to just go my way at times right? Shall try not to be a brat about it and whine-though this requires a lot of effort.

Am looking out to the future of things I hope to experience to which I don't if it will really come true. That being so, I am scared as to what the future holds for me in many aspects. I just hope that I will be strong enough to embrace all that will be thrown into my direction.

Just finished watching Grey's Anatomy and unlike korean dramas which portrays non-existent almost perfect dream guys and relationships, I love it cause it shows how people deal with the hardest challenges in their lives and how hard is it to maintain a relationship and to actually find someone who just gets you and you doing the same towards that person. To put it in words, to just find a person who is your person you know? So yeah. I'm still looking for that person I guess.

p/s: may the force be with me this sunday! I really want to get a good seat for 2NE1's AON concert! That would be the only concert that I maybe attending for the first half of 2014 and before my exams and stuff. (so so so sad right? *sigh* )

-with lots of love,peace out-

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

How's life

A friend who I've not heard from sometime asked me a question one day : How is life?
I paused for a moment.Different thoughts starting popping up in my mind as I try and type out an answer.
It also occurred to me that it's been a long time sincesomeone asked me that question.

How is life ? ( how is my life?)
This is a very good question.
On one hand,the pessimistic side of me wanted to answer: My life is not so good right now.To be honest, I am not entirely depressed about my life , I can still smile and laugh at things,but when I am left alone at times,there's just a certain amount of unavoidable sadness and disappointment (?) that starts to creep in. I feel like I was suddenly thrust into the spoltight of having to act like an adult. A part of me can't help but think : I am to young for these kinda shit. I am tired.Can I not deal with these kind of stuff?

Those thoughts written above came into my mind and lingered on for a minute or two.I then said to myself : Let's not freak my friend out and let's be positive and let's interpret that question in a different perspective.

And so I replied : Life is ok.Just some stress is piling up in respect about my exams.

With that,momentarily I tell myself that I am fine. Life is good. I can get through this. I am a stronger person than I think I am and I need to be patient.

-with lots of love,peace out.-


Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Some favourite quotes of mine as of late.

''Each person has only one life to live and that which occurs only once and never again..thus the ''lightness'' in being.''
- Milan Kundera : The Unbearable Lightness of Being.

''People live really diligently even though they know they're going to die.
Even though they know they will break up at one point,
When they love,they love like there's no tomorrow.
Those childish beings are exactly what people are.

Things will get better as time passes.It could even become as if it never happened.''
-My Love from Another Star-( a korean drama)

''So I build me a bubble,
Then build a world I know will hold''
-Lyrics from the song by Santigold :Shooting arrows at the sky.

 “When you realize the value of all life, you dwell less on what is past and concentrate more on the preservation of the future”.
 -Dian Fossey

-with lots of love,peace out.-


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart.


After having to deal with certain ordeals in life,
a thought or should I say a song title came to my mind.
''Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart.''

Yes,I thought I could,but I couldn't.
Instead I needed and wanted a hug in the process of trying to do so.

I don't know exactly why I felt the need and want of getting a hug from someone,
I am not exactly a person who does a lot of this in my life to be honest.
I just suddenly feel the want of someone holding me and to comfort me just for a little while
To get the feeling of everything is alright.Though shit happens,it's all good.

With that, I hugged my favourite pillow tight,
Assuring myself,things are going to be alright,
I should stay strong and try not to fall to much into the pit of self-pity
With that,I drift in and out of sleep to tomorrow with a new enthusiasm to life,
Trying to sleep with a broken heart.

Gone Too Soon

My brother brought back a new puppy a couple of days before 2013 ends.I was excited for it but the excitement and happiness didnt last for long.It ended too fast perhaps.The puppy is a boy cross terrier named Tori.

It was the first time my family had actually taken in a dog this young and we have zero experience as to how to handle it the correct way.I discovered that he was vomiting worms one day and he got sick and eventually passed away  early morning on the 4th of January.

It took me an hour or so to really process the fact.Upon hearing the news,I think my emotions and reactions just went numb ( I myself thought I was crazy for reacting so calmly) and I tried to go back to bed as I had class the next morning.It was about an hour later about 4 am or so that I finally accepted it and started to cry really hard and really realized that I had lost my dog for good.

I think I cried for an hour or so before finally drifting in and out of sleep and decided to skip my morning tutorials and just attend my lectures in the noon.I tried to stay calm in the train on the way to kl and as long as I dont think about it or so,I could control my tears which was a hard thing to do.

I just realized that this is the first time I dealt with a death of my pet.The first dog that I had,went it passed away ,I was too young at that time to really feel the effects of death I guess.

So,this hit me quite hard and I couldnt help but wonder if it was my fault that Tori died.I had to deal with this lost at odd hours and as much time I had over the weekend. It's certainly not a good way to start of my year in a way,but I will not give up all hope just like that.

We all I guess but would not wish for it to happen to all my close one, have to deal with a couple of rough patches/time in our life.Just so we could be a stronger person and have the determination and strength to want to live our life better than we did yesterday in my opinion.

Rest in peace Tori,you were gone too soon and I am sorry that I was not much of a use in easing your pain.

2014!

Hello there.It's the dawn of another New Year.I hope all of you had a great celebration. Here's to the next 300 over days.Let's go get it.

with lots of love peace out.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Till next year,peace out

Hello hello.I am back again.I know I have been neglecting my blog again.Have decided to write my summary for this year as I am currently feeling VERY BORED at home and I dont wanna postpone making the summary to the very last minute. Just spent an hour or more to read up all my posts for this year ( in case i forgot what I've experienced this year) and also decided to read what I went through last year for a bit.

I noticed that the number of posts that I've been posting has been decreasing annually and hence one New year that I would try and conquer would be to post more often in this blog..I don't keep a diary with  me,so this blog is in some sense like an electronic diary for me.Plus the fact that not a lot of people knows about my blog or even reads them. I don't really mind because it's not my main aim to have a famous blog or something.I just like to write down my thoughts and stuff and though would at times wish for some people who are close to me to read them to just let them in what's actually going through in my mind,at the same time I just take this as a personal record for the stuff that I wanna put down in words to be read again.

I think this year is the year where I've been to quite a lot of concerts and met a lot of artists that I have been dreaming of meeting and I feel I am very lucky to be able to do.Ooh and TABLO AND NICKHUN REPLIED MY TWEET WHICH IS BEYOND AWESOME!Also I think I broke my own personal record of winning a lot of free stuff this year from concert tickets to a box of beauty stuff from one of my fav. blogs I usually read.I myself dont know how I do it,I just usually enter contests I am interested in and give it my best shot and hope to win something.I do get disappointed at times of not winning them.Hahahahhaa.Was able to buy one of my (well a num) of my dream shoes and had a number of great buys for clothes and all :D

I started the year by going for GDA,then Twin Tower's Alive where 2ne1 came,then seeing Jo In Sung,then GD's solo world tour,then world stage, Arthur's Day and finally Super Junior-Super Show 5 concert.There are a few concerts which I regret not going such as Linkin Park's one.But its all good.There are 2 concerts that I am dying to attend in 2014 and I just hope I will be able to attend them. *praysss*

Crossing off my life's to do list is to work in a fast food restaurant and just a few days back experiencing the unique way of eating at my house porch with almost complete darkness as there was no electric in my house for about 2 hours.I seriously appreciate the creation of electricity and internet I tell you.

One of the happiest moment this year would be the fact that I manage to graduate and is of course a "Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah' in my life chapter. Am doing my CLP now and you will see my rant and cry over it over the next many many posts.I can safely assure you I will do that.

I didnt really travel that much this year as much as I longed to ( especially the past few months because I was just feeling restless and tired and what not-it's a hard to explain feeling that I've been experiencing). But I did have short and really awesome ones. One was going to Pangkor Island with Ms.Lee,Ms.Yap,and Ms.Ding. And at the second half of the year went to Thailand with Ms.Lee and Ms.Sweet ! Both were short trips but it was definitely very memorable.

Also at then second half of the year left me dealing with many issues which I did not expect that I had to deal with to be honest.Its basically family stuff and it was not easy for me to be honest.Am still dealing with it and I just hope all will be resolved well next year.

Hence there has been many negative or emo posts as you can put it.Some are about the issues that I mentioned generally in the paragraph above.

Some posts are just more about my feelings on thoughts on having to try and decide on the direction I wanna head in life regarding on things I want to do and experience and my career.I cant believe that I actually need to deal with 'such grown up,adult stuff '. I think this maybe due to the fact that subconsciously I just dont feel like being one? hahaha, I dont know..That might be it or it might be just having to experience it for the first time, I'm in shock mode and am not quite so sure how am I supposed to handle this kinda things.And seeing like how some of my peers know what and where they're heading already makes me feel lost,worried and scared.

Like this kind of questions have been some things I've been thinking a lot for this year I guess and things in in life like living life itself,love,death and all that..Experiencing,hearing and knowing about it personally and also seeing things from like a third person kinda view.

Not losing to last year,there are of course a lot of good songs and dramas this year as well, such as That Winter the Wind Blows,Master's Sun,The Heirs ( HELLO KIM WOO BIN I LOVE YOU , AND OOH SO JI SUB AND NOT FORGETTING JO IN SUNG) and the new drama which just started not long My Love from another star starring Jun Ji Hyun,Kim Soo Hyun and Yoo In Na. The drama Heartless City is a very screwed up drama which I havent watch fin yet ( its too emo) but I already knew the ending which is a sad one which makes me not feeling like finsihing it.hahahahaa.

MY favs artist such as 2ne1,GD ,YB and TOP released songs respectively which I LOVE.EXO's Growl is one of my fav this year as well and so are songs from like Infinite,Kahi ,Zion.T,Epik High and all. In the non-kpop scene: Justin Timberlake and Beyonce ,Lorde,Macklemore and Ryan Lewis,The Great Gatsby and Hunger Games : Catching Fire OST are one of the few favourite albums of mine this year :DD

I guess that's about it for this year.I wish for everyone that I know and for myself that hopefully we will all have a better year in 2014,and to be a better and stronger person than what we are today.I quote a pic which I will be posting on instagram  later:

''May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness.I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful,and don;t forget to make some art-write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can.And I hope somewhere in the next year,you surprise yourself '' 

Happy New Year.Hello 2014 ! Bring it.

-with lots of love and the best wishes,peace out-




Train encounters

I was commuting with the ktm as usual the other day (i can't remember when exactly) when I suddenly started counting how long i've been taking the train and randomly thought that i should list down my best and worst moments so far.

Best /amusing moments would probably be:
  • Me-sleeping in the train to wake up to a cute guy sitting beside me who was also sleeping and finding him leaning his head on my shoulder...and i had no clue what to do.

  • getting offered a seat at peak hours .

  • seeing a guy sitting not far from me at seremban station(starting the journey to KL) in a kinda empty train and suddenly started sobbing while singing emo songs.

  • watching kids up to their cute actions at times (despite it also being my worst moments at times where they start to scream and act like monkeys)

  • discovered a couple ring which was unintentionally left by the train window sill

  • a guy trying to ask a girl whom he does not not for her number-which he failed i think.

  • doing the random act of kindness by offering seats to old people/kids and helping an aunty take her stuff to the opposite platform cause her bag was heavy (she actually ask me to do that) as I was taking the train at another opposite platform.
  •  Met a few kind people who saw that I was sleeping like a log on the train and woke me up in case I missed my station on my way back home.

  • Meeting some people I know that I never expect to meet in a train. and then you need to plan whether to say hello to them or not.

  • just having a nice/short conversations to random ,nice people at times.

  • it is also a good day for me if there are some beautiful people (i.e good looking guy) taking the train-which is usually  VERY rare.

Worst moments:
  • Sleeping in the train to wake up and discovered the woman sitting beside me was sick and had vomitted a few times already in a plastic bag that she carry and woke up to see her vomit. was too terrified to move away.  and then noticing that a person you know was actually sitting opposite you watching the scene. But dont have the guts to wake me up and move me away =.=

  • Watching another person vomit from afar..not a nice scene at all.

  • Hearing someone lost their phone and crying about it.

  • Nasty ladies who pushed you away when the seat you were suppose to sit on should be yours. Also guys who are not gentleman and take the seat that supposedly should be yours.

  • Sleeping in the train one night where I think some guys were trying to take advantage of me (?) but I woke up just in time I think.

  • Being stuck in Serdang on a rainy night and was so tired and stressed up from class as it was very near my exam during my 2nd year and I was hungry that I almost cried at the train station.

  • Taking 3 hours to reach KL / Seremban and missing half of my class and what not.Had to stand on top of it and finally just decided to sit on the floor and study (it was also kinda near my exam ) as it was a waste of time being stucked in the train.Another time was with my sis with a heavy luggage and need to switch to the opposite platform with no life-i transformed into superwoman for a while that day.

  • Almost feel like fainting after class one day due to exam stress.Was thankful to get a seat and tried to sleep hoping that i would be better.

  • Meeting some creepy people in the train.

  • And having the whole coach to myself one day while taking the train home at night as there were not much people getting off at seremban.


  • Being in a packed train (this was before they had the new trains today) and had to stand with people having body ordours/some guys like trying to take advantage of you and someone who farted.LIKE SERIOUSLY I ALMOST DIED.I experience being sardined in a train a lot during my a-levels days and these were some of the worst experience.

  • How sometimes you wear shorts or just decide to dress more to the fashionable side and people stare at you like they have not seen a person where those kinda stuff before.It's annoying.

  • Where you intend to sleep and some people decide to speak on top of their lungs and let the whole world listen to their conversation no matter how shallow it can be at times.Or there's a screaming kid beside you or within very near vicinity to you.

  • This also applies to the situation where some people decide that they should let the whole world listen to their favourite songs by blasting the songs through their phone at max vol so that everyone can stare at him.

Note: These are just my personal experiences and I have no intention on hurting anyone's feelings in the process of writing and posting this down at all.

with lots of love,peace out