Saturday, January 3, 2015

A toast !

It's the dawn of another new year again people. How are you feeling? Technically, life goes on pretty much the same. It's only the date and year that change.However, one just can't help but feel there is a new chance to have a fresh start in whatever areas one wants to work on or aim to achieve in another new year. For some,it's time to just forget what the previous year was all about and just move on and forward from it. Be it a good one or a bad one.

For me,2014 was not really a good year for me compared to other years that I've been living ( and to be able to evaluate,judge and compare from ) . The low times were really low and the high points were indeed high. I had to go through issues from almost every department in my life ( family, friends, love life, studies,etc) . But it's also a year that I felt truly blessed for being able to win a lot of contests. It also made me realized that I really have a bunch of good friends and of course family which formed a strong support system for me to get over things whenever I am down. I really appreciated and find it amusing looking at all of them trying their best in comforting me. I know for some that saying or doing things to comfort someone is not their forte. So,I really appreciate all the effort that they took for me.

Looking at it from another perspective, 2014 was a year where I was thrown into the challenge of taking a bigger leap than ever to mature my thoughts,character and personality to be a more mature person.It helped me figure out and try to aim as to what are my further aims and goals in life and who I want to be in the future.I also learnt how to manage my emotions and try to be a stronger person mentally and not be overtly sensitive on certain things. I don't know if you ever saw through me, but I care about how people perceive me a lot. That might result in some people as seeing me as a ' goody goody two shoes' or a person who maybe is always eager to please someone (?) .But let me tell you that I feel it's not that bad compared to last time. I am trying to work out on my pride and stuff which on many occasions had led me to do foolish stuff.

I also had the interesting opportunity to deal with super awkward situations that it made me think could there ever be a more awkward situation than what I've experienced so far? This year brought the level of awkward-facing-situation to a whole new level for me. As some ( or many) of you know,I decided to work while studying for my CLP this time around. One my first day of work,I had a 'buddy' lunch with a fellow associate on the same practice group I am assigned too. I def have a lot to learn from my team mate.Am trying to be more confident to put myself out there and less shy and more sociable!

To be honest,I was caught by surprised as to how my 'buddy' look like in a very good way. *winks* hhahahahaa. And I had the most awkward lunch ever.I can't really get you to imagine them or put it in words very much myself.One must really go through it themselves to understand how it feels like.The second awkward situation award would go tot he Christmas party office dinner that I attended.Thank god,I had a partner with me. ( we are the 2 newbies in this newly created team in the firm) So,at least I was not there alone.

I am getting to know,observe and learn so many things at the workplace that it makes me want to further improve myself in so many areas. I am so in awed of how some of my colleagues are just so friendly and sociable compared to me,who takes time to warm to people ( not a plus point at all) and can be socially awkward at times,and blur. Also,the associates that I met are all so articulate that I wish I was 1/4 as eloquent as them. Their level of vocabulary knowledge and level of articulacy is just so good that it makes me feel that I am still very much lacking and need to work on them,especially my confidence level in speaking eloquently and what not. So,yes I guess in a way one of my resolution for 2015 is to improve myself in this area.

Work hasn't really pick up so far. I think partly it's because I joined at a time where the holidays are near and everyone's on holiday and hence,everyone's pretty much on a holiday mood (which includes the clients as well). I am looking forward on how things will go from here. I will try to approach all things, good and bad with as much zest as possible ! What doesn't kill you,only makes you stronger and wanna kill the thing that you thought could kill you right? hahahaha.

Here's to another new fresh year where everything is always possible to begin or continue on . Wishing everyone a happy and healthy year ahead of them.

Quoting Tablo : I pray that  2015 is a perfect year for everyone.  

Also a poem from Lang Leav :

A TOAST!
 To new beginnings in fear & faith & all it tinges.
To love is a dare, when hope & despair are gates upon its hinges.

Happy 2015 everyone !

-with lots of love,peace out-

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Some favorites quotes as of late

Expose yourself to your deepest fear;
After that fear has no power,
And the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes,
You are free.
-Jim Morrison.-

A crisis becomes a chance,scars become armor
No one can break it,I guard my heart, do you see that?
Even if I'm lost in the maze called Despair,
I trust myself in the split road called Chance
I need to stand up,what doesn't kill me makes me stronger
I'm an expert on turning the tables and winning
 -Lyrics from the song Iron Girl by Hat : felt-

What the world gives you more than you bargained for,
You usually ended up glad you got it. -Grey's Anatomy S11

Not everyone has a sob story,Charlie,
and even if they do,
it's no excuse
-The perks of being a wallflower.

Her heart did whisper
He had done it for her
-Jane Austen : Pride and Prejudice-

If two people are meant to be together,
going after your dream is not going to change that
-The lost girls-

Where would we be without tomorrows?
What we'd have instead would be todays.
And if that was the case,with you,I'd hope for the longest dat for today.
I'd fill today with you,doing everything I've ever loved.
I'd laugh,I'd talk/I'd listen and learn,I'd love,I'd love,I'd love.
I'd make every day today and spend them all with you,and I'd never worry about tomorrow,when I wouldn't be with you.
And when that dreaded tomorrow comes for us,please know that I didnt want to leave you,or be left behind,
That every single moment spent with you were the best times in my life.
-Cecelia Ahern : How to Fall In Love-

Sometimes you can know something and not know it at the same time.
It was a moment and moments change.
She would have to live through the moment to get to the next.

Life is a series of moments and moments are always changing.
Just like thoughts,positive and negative.
-Cecelia Ahern: How to fall in love-

Recent Highlights!

I think I broke the record this year by attending only 1 concert this year. That's right,you read it correctly. ONE. And so I was just wishing to at least be able to attend one more before the year end. And my wish came true in a way I guess. I won passes to watch Yuna's showcase organized by E! News and Astro. And with that I may appear on tv and also won her postcards and a ukelele! Hhahahaha. It's certainly something different. Went to watch the showcase with Ms.Sweet and her friends. ( cant find anyone in my social circle who's interested enough/free to attend it sadly.) It was an interesting experience attending the showcase. She sang Deeper Conversations ( my all time fav song from her ) and Mountains ( my recent fav) . I was hoping for her to sing Lights and Camera, but she didn't. But it's all good. It was a very chilled and intimate vibe at the showcase as the venue was small and the songs are all more towards acoustic. Went to Ms.Sweet's place to stay the night. I definitely had a good time.

Also, I attended my first book signing !  ( not me signing, but me attending to get a copy of a book I bought signed ). I just recently discovered and am loving reading poetry. And a one that's been gaining a lot of good reviews in my timeline that is , is Lang Leav ! Managed to get hold of her first book - Love and Misadventure at a really really good buy. ( poetry books are seriously very expensive,sadly ) . And when I heard that she's coming down for a meet and greet session in KL, I had to go. It was such an interesting day for me. I attended the event alone. And I get to see and meet people who share the same interest in me.- Reading, like publicly for the first time (?)  It's such a different atmosphere from the events where I go and meet artists who are like international celebs cause everyone's in this frenzy and stuff. It's just 2 opposite vibes.

I get to know a person or two for that hour or so and just randomly chatted with them. And it's also official that I go all awkward whenever I meet a person I am in awe/ admire/ like a lot . My mind just go all empty and I go all stiff and awkward in expressing myself as to try to come up with something intelligent to say, to which I usually fail. hahahahaha.

Also, managed to finally meet up with Ah Yee to just chill and catch up on stuffs and celebrate her birthday! We did not have a proper sit down to chat and stuff since July. I know. I am a bad friend. But we manage to catch up and stuff on the last day of November and had a really good time.

Ooh,also, I've been busy applying for jobs - be it a clerk , paralegal or an attachment. And I finally landed a job at a firm which I didn't expect to be in! The ' urghhhh, shit shit shit' moment I felt after an interview session with the firm ( I had to go through 2 of them! ) and the nerve wrecking wait on whether I am good and a uitable match for their firm or also for other interviews, was nerve wrecking ! I can be a very impatient person when it comes to knowing things like these at times, it almost drove me mad. ( i think I made it to the obsession level and was bordering on the insanity level ) , it's no joke. All in all, I get to learn so much from this process. And I am so thankful that finally someone thinks I am worthy. Hahahaha.

This is definitely a new challenge that I've yet to experience in my life. Getting a first serious,proper job on my own, going through exams this time around without my close friends . I feel like it's finally here. I am in this thing all by myself this time around. It's something I've never gone through in my life before. ( yes,I do live a sheltered life in a way I guess.)  I'm scared and nervous like shit. But at the same time excited and am up to take up this challenge! May all the force in the universe be with me now!

-with lots of love, peace out-

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Late post : 1



''Needless to say I love the subway. I glean all my characters from my fellow passengers. The same sorts of things which attracted me to Missed Connections, I find on the train: subtle interactions, eccentricity, beauty, sorrow, secrets, kindness, generosity, excellent hairdos. Every sort of person imaginable and unimaginable. '' Sophie Blackall --Missed Connections

A feeling

A feeling of sadness that it's sad I've come to know a person that sparks my interest enough that I want to know more of.
A feeling of sadness that it's sad that I feel we can have something more.
A feeling of sadness that it's sad that I thought things might work out to become something awesome.
A feeling of sadness that it's sad that I thought maybe,perhaps, this could be it.
A feeling of sadness that it's sad that the timing's not right,the feelings are not mutual.
A feeling of sadness that it's sad because I feel it's rare ( for now maybe) to come across someone who seems to share a common interest with you on the things you like.

However,
A feeling of uncertainty arises as to who you really are as a person other than the prima facie layer that people usually perceive.
A feeling of uncertainty as to what are your thoughts on the serious things in life.
A feeling of uncertainty as to what are your thoughts,perspective and goals in life.
A feeling of uncertainty as to what you perceive/think of me as a person.

A feeling that I know  that it's not 'i like you ' kind of feeling,
Rather,
A feeling that's more of a mix of being interested and a crush.

It's not much of a feeling of heartbreak,
It's just this feeling of a certain kind of unexplainable sadness.

Crushed

I think the last time I had a crush on someone was a few years back.This year I find myself having an interest in someone of the opposite sex which come very close to a crush but not enough to amount to liking him. Let's just say I am interested and curious to want to get to know him more on rather than the general getting-to-know -a-friend level.

I kind of try and ask if he is interested to hang out and was given some very lame excuses and from there I get the message. He is not interested.. And then I had a hunch that there is something going on between him and a girl which is a classmate of mine.And yesterday I think my hunch was kinda spot on. And now I have this feeling of sadness.

'l know over time I will not be feeling what I am feeling now and I will get over this feeling and will thank the stars in disguise as to why things didn't go how I hope that it will go for now.I just figured I need to let it out somewhere in order to satisfy the feeling of letting it out on a concrete setting/place.
 p/s: Don't get it twisted that I am desperate for a boyfriend.I am not. It's just that I've come to like this person now,and just feel like if something could happen,then of course,I would want it.
-peace out-



Monday, November 17, 2014

Pride.

Last Saturday was the first class for all CLP resitters revision class.A lot of people didnt turn up.But I do get to see who didn't make it through the exam and will be taking them with me the second time around.Both my homies didnt come to class. And I felt a little bit lonely.I dont mind sitting alone or what not,it's just I get the feeling that I am really really doing this alone this time around.Like the feeling is just different compared to earlier this year where I know at least like me,yik yee,stand and all are 'in this together'. Like I know who to find and talk to from time to time who gets me and is my support system.But this time around,it feels different.I dont know how to explain it,but it just doesnt.Maybe it's something where you need to go through to be able to understand this feeling.

I would be lying if I say I do not care what people think of me when they saw/recognize me and see that I had failed my CLP. I do admit that my pride/ ego was affected.I do care what people think of me.I wonder if they think : OMG,i thought she is a bright student and she failed, or some may think the other way around like Hah,I knew she wouldnt get through it. Yeah,I know I shouldnt give a damn as to what they think of me,but I just can't help myself at times.And I do know that at times ,it is better to be humble than let my pride get the better of me.So yeah,I hope I will be able to swallow / extinguish some of my pride/ego.

I arrived for class early and certain classmates we talking quite loudly and I can't help but hear their conversations.An uncle who decided to take CLP as a 2 year program has started to study full swing - i.e. seriously now already and is telling another girl that she too should do so. The girl responded by saying she is studying almost daily. Hearing this, I thought to myself : "oh shit, I am sooo on a different (and not really in a good way) level with them. I'm still trying to find a job and whatnot. And it seemed like some of them are still doing this full time.And then it just click,on what one of my interviewer mentioned that I am indeed taking a risk on this this time around.

But I have chosen to go down this road.So,I shall do this.I did think at times after I was being rejected after a job interview that what if I dont get a job? should i just give up now? maybe I just am not good enough for this..Should i just stop looking for a job and just focus on my studies? My heart was contemplating over this again,but my mind said : No.You do not give up Jo.You are known on many occasion to just finish something half way because you got impatient and fed up with it.Or sometimes,you are just all talk/dreaming and not action. So,you do not just give up like that.You will see through this to the end.

Also,my friends really gave me the confidence and support me in this,which I am eternally grateful and hence I will get through this.Fingers crossed that I will be able to write some good news here soon!

-with lots of love,peace out-